If you found this page by searching for the word, “Hump,” then buckle up. Things are about to get disgusting.
The bad news first. I gained 1.1 pounds this week. Could have something to do with my eating behavior around my parents, who came to see me on Saturday to celebrate my birthday.
I’m just going to blow on by that without too much pomp and circumstance. I have taken on Patton Oswalt’s philosophy of birthdays, which lies about 10 clicks below My Super Sweet Sixteen on the Celebration Spectrum, and just two clicks above Jehovah’s Witnesses. You can go look for that video if you want, but I don’t feel right about sharing it here in my little corner. It is very funny, but it contains salty language, as does 97 percent of the Internet, and I try to keep this space somewhat “kid safe.” OK, maybe just safe enough for junior high kids. Or at least as safe as a relatively well managed Presbyterian youth center.* Suffice it to say Patton Oswalt believes we are all allowed to celebrate about 20 birthdays, about half of them while we’re kids. Also, Al Gore wants us to save cake and paper.
Anyways, whether or not my parents are still having an effect on my emotional eating is not their fault. My mom was extremely conservative last weekend, and brought the World’s Smallest and Most Delicious Birthday Banana Cake from Costco, and a small loaf of Dutch rye bread. She’s learning! Still didn’t stop me from having this kind of day:
Saturday, April 2:
Breakfast: Three servings breakfast turkey links, one serving grits, one egg.
Lunch: Two-thirds serving of Pho Chicken Noodle Soup.
Snack: Two pieces of birthday cake.
Dinner: Ten pieces of Costco sushi. I KNOW, I know. It’s not real sushi if it doesn’t contain actual sashimi, but would you eat raw tuna out of the cooler at Costco? I didn’t think so. Now shut up, food snobs.
On the other hand, I made it over the 40 day hump. What is this? Somebody somewhere told me that it takes 40 days to make something a habit. Friday, April 1, was my 40th day of counting calories. And you know what? It totally works! I found that if I go half a day without counting, I get confused and I feel out of control. So even though I had a REALLY bad day this week, I’m happy to say I also had one of these:
Sunday, April 3:
Breakfast: Two servings brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts. Did you know the box says one serving is one tart? How irresponsible is this packaging? Enough to make you write a strongly worded letter to the Pop Tart people? Please copy me if you do. I WOULD LOVE IT.
Snack: One small chocolate chip cookie, one-half Pepperidge Farm vanilla Pirouette. (Somebody serving the church snacks cut all the pirouettes in half.)
Lunch: Leftover Pho, about half a serving, one nectarine.
Snack: Two pieces Dutch rye bread, one serving peanut butter.
Dinner: One cup black beans, two servings parmesan cheese.
Snack: One 100-calorie kettle-flavored popcorn.
Somehow I landed about 100 calories under my budget that day. Although to be honest, I can see that the birthday cake was not my only problem this week. Clearly I’m eating too many carbs and not enough vegetables and fruit every day. Maybe now that all this birthday nonsense is out of the way, I’ll get back to working on some real reasons to celebrate.
Have a great week!
* If you got that joke, I am begging you to start an Emo Phillips riff in the comments.
OK, I’ll bite.
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.